Testimonial
John was a dear friend and colleague of mine and had always been a bit of a younger brother to me. John’s father died when he was young and so he always appeared to me as someone in search of a big brother or father figure. This could also have been because he grew up in a house full
of women.
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From an early age, he always felt like he needed to appear as someone bigger and stronger than he was but was at a loss because he did not have a role model. His older brother belittled him.
When John started to work with me, we determined his first word was ‘belonging’, which is the one that he wants the most - to be a part of something.
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The problem was - there were many instances where he felt like he didn’t belong - he didn’t feel he had attained the right education levels especially because he was an immigrant - arriving in the US with his family after losing his father. It was evident that the loss of his father had the biggest impact on his life and the heaviness of familial responsibility always made him feel like he was fighting to have a voice in this world.
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But you could never tell this upon looking at him.
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Externally, John was socially dynamic and gregarious but internally, he felt like he often spoke out of turn and didn’t understand other people’s feelings.
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The imbalance John felt, he attributed to his lack of belonging. He believed the only way he could attain stability in his life was through being a
part of something. It made sense that his second word would be ‘balance’.
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A well balanced person would be someone in tune with the feelings of others, aware of his environment and possessing necessary educational capabilities.
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However, unbeknownst to him, John had all these tributes and the abilities to utilize them, but he just could not see them.
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John is a work in progress. A lot of the work we do still centers around what self-perceptions he has are true and what are false. He has also learned how to respect himself and others more, in order to be on the
receiving end of respect himself.
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Respect, ultimately, was his third word.
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We are also trying to rid John of the behavioral rut he often reverts back to - when feeling bad about himself, he projects his feelings onto others, making them feel bad as well.
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For his outcome, we aim to have John be able to live his three words out more clearly and as a person who is balanced and belongs because that is a gift to be able to go into society and belong. But at the same time, he alsoneeds to find respect for himself.
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